IS EVERYONE A HYPOCRITE? OR IS IT JUST ME.

SUMMER is here. BUT I'm just withering away. doing nothing. As soon as summer began, I found out that I didn't get into summerschool, but the next day a phone call came "Jane, would you still like to attend a chemistry class during the summer?" that was when it started. I said "Sure, what time should I get to school by?" "9" "alright! thank you." "see you soon!" EFF MY LIFE. I lasted for almost 3 weeks. Then I bailed. IM A FRIKKEN QUITTER. I finally realized that humans..are actually all hypocrites. Or is that just me? I remember myself saying "I'm not a quitter," then. I quit chemistry like it was nothing. Pretty ridiculous. AHHH. dayum. First it was my friend. she dropped cause she already had a C and it was only the first week. I had an A. But that A slowly became a B then I was scared that it would get even lower. As soon as the semester was over, I heard that at least 20 people got As in the class. I was pretty sad..and regretted quitting. BUT I kinda think that it was meant to be? Maybe something is planned for me..AHAH. not sure what it is ..but everything happens for a reason..no? Well.. I still am taking one class that's between 1pm-5pm so.. I guess I'm not wasting too much of my life. In the end. I am a hypocrite. Just wanted to put it out there.

<3 peace.

OMINARRRR

WELL WELL WELLLLLLL. I have recently went through a LOT of SHIT. good shit you know the ones that you take that make you feel good inside, and the bad shit. the ones that are watery, too hard, or hurt. HAHAHAHHA. SOO.. monday: my brother leaves to korea, and I get to miss school that was a good and bad day. I knew that I would miss him, but HEY no school! :) tuesday: it was block schedule the whole day, but I had to make up all the missed work so...BAD SHIT. wednesday: IT was a TAD better cause my block schedule was around all the EASY classes. thursday: samesame.. it was okay.. but I had to take the writing benchmark..so it kinda sucked. BUT my friends already told me what the topic was about so..it was AIGHTTT. oh..and I slept at 2 this day..I HAD to finish all my homework. CAUSE IM A GOOD GIRL (: I had to finish my spanish project, which I didn't even touch the whole week, study for a vocab quiz, finish a CRAPLOAD of work for math, and finish a lab for science.. BLEHHH. FRIDAY: the last day of the week finally came, but it was the worst out of the whole week. SAD HUH? well, I was waiting to go to this party which was at 5. SOOOOO, my friend told me that she would meet me somewhere, and told me that she would call me up. BUT apparently, her boyfriend is more important. SHE TOTALLY DITCHES ME. and I had to text her, asking where she was, she tells me that she was at someone's house. I WAS SPEECHLESS AND FURIOUS. so I simply told her that I wasn't going to go, she then tells me all this shit. which I didn't care of, I turned my phone off, went to sleep. I SLEPT FOR 15 HOURS! 5pm-8am.. felt good though (: then I got ready and went to do some community hours shit..OKAY. then I was still pissed..needless to say. THEN a superman talks to me. HE ALWAYS PICKS ME UP WHEN IM DOWN. I like that. He always seems to understand, and tries to make me feel better. BUT he's a senior, so he'll be gone next year. :/ BUTTTTT its okay. I THINK? hmmmm.. Lately, I have been wondering. WHY THE HELL AM I LIVING? I dunno why..I seem to always be moody, getting some thoughts of suicide. BUT..I always get over it. MY FRIENDS always make my day. and yeah. GOD? my connection with God seems to be dying down.. I sometimes question myself.. WHY DO I BELIEVE? because of heaven? hell? cause my mom makes me? for the fun of going to church? I dunno..I just DONT KNOW. anyways. I love venting here. It makes me feel all nice inside. OH. and these days I seem to be a GREAT HELP to my friends, always giving them advice. and I have great words of wisdom. I think. HAHA. well thats it for now~ BYE DARLING~ :)

Bag of Chips.

Lately, I have noticed that friends can make everything better. They could cheer you up..even at the worst times. I just know that friends will always be by my side and hopefully..you have friends too. At some other times, I feel that some friends just "say" they are your friends. I mean..everyone has used someone before in their life either because the friend was LOADED, or cause of popularity, etc. I sometimes feel that this certain girl is using me. She constantly tells me that shes my friend, but I always figure out that shes talking behind my back, or inviting everyone to parties, except for me. She said she was okay with me now, but I hear people tell me things. I don't know why she won't do anything right up in my face, but I also don't know why she can't just cooooooooooooool it. BUT. Thinking about it, she is the only one that does this to me..or is she? I know that I have TONS of friends that truly care about me, and I am glad. So, I guess there are true friends, everywhere, but there are also going to be a few fake ones. Hmm..I'll compare it to a bag of chips. Sometimes, when you open a bag of chips, some will be perfectly yummy, and others will just taste like shit. good friends=yummy chips fake friends=chips that taste like shit. :) the end.

LIFE KINDA..SUCKS.

WELLLLLLLL. I haven't posted anything up for a LONG ASS time. So..here it goes. These days...I have been through so much shit..I think. I feel that my life totally changed. I think differently about myself. I seem to act differently to myself. I mean..I've done some "things" to my body..that I would have never thought of doing ever before..in my life. On the outside..I try to look like the happiest person alive..I NEVER like showing my sad..side to anyone...but lately..my feelings are revealed to others..on the inside..I have been so stressed and frustrated with myself. UGHHHHH. finals are over..and I got straight As and Os..but why am I so..unhappy? I don't know..I just need someone to talk to..but no one seems to ask..or care enough.. I am trying to think positively..but sometimes..it just doesn't work. I struggle through life everyday..but no one seems to notice..and I'm glad that they don't. Usually..people think of me as a bitch..because I come off to be very blunt...and I could care less what others say..although recently..I got real hurt when someone said something to me.. People thought it was nothing..but I took it very seriously. I have no clue..why some seniors in highschool are so nice..and yet some are so mean. I just don't get it. Most of them treat me great..they drive me out to places, invite me to go place, and even care for me when I'm down. I know that next year, when they are all gone..I'll feel a little bad..and miss them..BUT in the long run. I know that hanging with them at times will build my bucket??? of friends. (awkward)

Another issue..I was suppose to go snowboarding tomorrow..but it got cancelled..FORTUNATELY, a senior invited me to go snowboarding with a few others. HE WILL TEACH ME! AND ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS ARE LETTING ME BORROW HER CLOTHES! I can't wait. I am aware that the first time..will be hard.. BUTTTT. I will do fine..I think..2 seniors that are going with me..promised to help me. I am looking forward to this day :) Whoa..it's pretty..late.. and yet. I am oovooing with someone right now. HAHAAHa. ugh..I'm kinda tired right now..Posting this really helped.. BYEEEEEEEEEEE~